Island author publishes memoir ‘The Day My Twin and I Died’
Whoever said, “Good things come in small packages” knew what they were talking about. The memoir “The Day My Twin and I Died” is a small package at only 116 pages. It’s not only a good book, but a meaningful book, wonderfully written and impossible to put down.
Pine Islander Trudy Hylant and her twin sister Judy came from a small town in Ohio. Trudy was the first to come into the world with Judy a short time later. The timing of their arrival would create the pattern of their lives for 58 years — Trudy would be the leader and Judy would follow — until shortly before Judy died of brain cancer.
The book begins with Judy’s diagnosis of glioblastoma multiforme — stage 4 brain cancer. Judy will die in four months five months if she has treatment
“There is no way that she is going to go through treatment that may give her an additional month,” Trudy told the family. “She will go for the quality of life over quantity.”
At the hospital, Trudy stayed strong for Judy and when Judy’s ex-husband and teenage son arrived, Trudy explained the diagnosis before leaving. Once in her car she broke down, shattered, “Today is our 58th birthday,” she said to herself. “My twin sister is dying and so am I.”
Studies indicate the loss of a twin can be more intense for the surviving twin than the loss non-twins feel. There is even a support group “The Twinless Twins Support Group International” where surviving twins can come together and share their grief.
The book is filled with stories about how much Judy depended on Trudy for everything. While Trudy followed the traditional path of marrying and having children, “Jude” was a free-spirited vagabond.
In 1976 Judy joined a traveling carnival. She only reached Gary, Indiana, before she called her big sister to come rescue her. The following year Judy was in the midst of joining a cult when Trudy rescued her once again. From the cult, Judy joined the Army.
Twins not only look alike, they come from the same fertilized egg and have the same genome. A genetics study from the University of Utah states “… any differences between twins are due to their environments, not genetics.”
Both women suffered from anxiety disorders that led to panic attacks. Judy suffered from anorexia and agoraphobia, took antidepressants to keep her stable, and entered therapy.
Trudy’s anxiety manifested itself at a hospital job where she was expected to use a computer to connect conference calls. Pressed to give CPR classes Trudy wrote, “I could hardly breathe, my heart pounded. Fight or flight kicked in…. it was my turn to have a psychotic breakdown.”
Judy came to her rescue.. “Jude never left my side. Our roles were reversed. She took care of me as I took care of her when she needed me.”
“We were two sensitive, empathetic, anxious, neurotic little girls who grew up to be two sensitive, empathetic, anxious, neurotic women,” Trudy wrote.
As Trudy explains in the book, “It’s complicated!” Judy was always the fragile and vulnerable one until she was getting ready for death.
“From day one of her prognosis, she was prepared to die,” Trudy wrote. “She was the woman that I only aspired to be… I was born with her and I wanted to die with her.”
Trudy’s grief is visible, even palpable in this book. Trudy wrote after Judy’s death, “Her identical twin sister dies slowly every day as she looks into the mirror only to see Jude’s reflection staring back. Trudy does have a pulse, but a heartbeat is only a part of being alive. Her coping mechanism has always been avoidance, but how can she avoid herself? Her face, her hands, her laughter, her voice also belong to Jude.”
“When she died at the age of 58, I retreated to my room. Drapes closed, I totally isolated myself from family and friends,” Trudy wrote. “I was in a dark abyss and could not find my way out.”
In the years following Judy’s death, Trudy realized she was “clinically depressed.”
“I did not accept her death and I never would,” Trudy wrote. “There was no such thing as closure.”
Appointments with therapists didn’t help but writing the memoir did.
“This memoir was written for those who have suffered the deep loss of a loved one. For those who suffer from anxiety and depression and for those who are without their twin,” Trudy wrote.
After years of suffering the loss of her twin, Trudy had a dream about her sister.
“Jude came to me in my dreams… and screamed, ‘GET OUT OF BED AND DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE! ENOUGH!’ I emerged from the room as an artist… vibrant gorgeous colors filled my world… like a gust of wind that just blew all the pain away.”
Once Trudy discovered painting things got better.
“I live to paint,” Trudy wrote. “It is my oxygen. My art shop is a love story to my twin sister Jude. We were inseparable.”
“The Day My Twin and I Died” is a cover-to-cover psychological battlefield of Trudy’s memories. Memories of the ups and downs of twin-sisterhood. An honest, gut wrenching story of trying to find a way to survive.
Trudy Hylant wrote a book she would like to read. A wonderfully written book and a book everyone who has suffered loss should read.
To date the book has garnered 16 5-Star reviews on Amazon. Readers said, “”Bravo to the author, for having the guts not to hold back, and give such an honest portrayal of two special women;” “I would recommend this book to any survivor of the death of a loved one, be they twins, friends or lovers;” and “an amazing story of resilience, by a natural story teller.”
The book “The Day My Twin and I Died” is available on Amazon in both paperback ($9.99) and as an eBook ($5.99)