A life in print
“Taste Life Twice” is about the life journey of author Marsha Perlman. She was raised in Brooklyn, New York, in a strict Jewish home with a dominating father (Bill), a stay-at-home mother (Rose) and a brother, Steven.
When the family moved into a two-story red brick duplex on the corner of Avenue R and East 16th Street, Perlman was given her own room. Those years were filled with memories of girlfriends, Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parades, the Good Humor man, deliveries of ice and coal and their first automatic washing machine.
But Perlman’s father was an angry domineering man. Her mother once explained “people don’t realize what an excellent mind your father has. He’s so intelligent. He never had a good break in business ….”
“He scolded us kids for small things, such as leaving a used dish on the table, a book on the sofa, or a jacket on a chair,” Perlman wrote. “Without elaboration he removed his leather belt, spanked us, and categorized us as selfish, unappreciative and lazy. We cried. I ached. It didn’t seem to occur to him that I was afraid of him … I no longer counted on him to protect me.
“As a child, I was angry, embarrassed and confused. I thought all parents loved their children. Was this how they showed their love?”
Perlman’s brother Steven didn’t escape the abuse. When he was in kindergarten his name was changed from Steven Jay to Richard Steven. No explanation was offered until years later when the mother offered the explanation that, “your father didn’t like the name Steven.”
The father berated Richard with, “Why don’t you have more friends?” or “Why don’t you do something valuable for your future?” When Richard couldn’t decide on his courses for college, his parents took him to a psychologist.
As Marsha progressed through school she had the good fortune to be assigned to Mrs. Galmitz 5th grade class. Galmitz realized Perlman’s potential and gave her the title of ‘Teacher’s Helper.” Galmitz also gave Perlman responsibilities and duties the other students didn’t have boosting the young girls self esteem.
“I wonder how different my life would be if Dad praised me once in a while for something I did well…” Perlman wrote.
In 6th grade, Perlman became editor of the school paper the Student Gazette. “Little did I know that the classroom experiences, which included delegating tasks, meeting deadlines and collaborating with a variety of people, were my first steps toward teaching and writing careers.”
By the time Perlman graduated from high school, she had become “a strong-willed and determined teenager who could stand up to a disapproving, over-emotional father. These developing skills served me well later in life…” Perlman wrote.
For the first time in her life while attending Adelphi, City and Columbia Universities, Perlman met people outside the Jewish faith.
“In my heart I knew I couldn’t be a practicing Jewish woman.”
Perlman devoted her time to social causes: civil rights, human rights, wars and sexual orientation.
Her first teaching job in Spanish Harlem taught her many lessons. First and foremost, that “it was the beginning of my adult life. No longer automatically obeying my father’s demands, I moved in the directions of increased independence and assertiveness … and expanded my view of the world.”
Perlman grew up with all of the insecurities of a child raised in an abusive home and then married an abusive husband.
“At 20, I did what most of my friends did: graduated from college in May, married in August and began teaching in September.”
Before marring her husband Fred, Perlman’s mother voiced her concern about Fred’s behavior calling him “self-centered,” “insensitive,” “quick tempered” and “solipsistic.”
Her husband was well educated with a Ph.D. in physics. He was also a controlling man.
“There were countless times when Fred and I had opposing opinions on a benign subject. Before ever agreeing with me, he demanded proof of what I said… I was automatically wrong, and he walked away in disgust …” Fred’s alcoholism fueled the abuse.
Approaching 30, and the mother of three children, Perlman wondered whether she had made the right decision marrying Fred.
“My parents raised me to be to be an educated, subservient woman… but the combination was not working for me…”
When the University of Colorado Boulder offered Fred a job, the family moved to Boulder and built the home of their dreams. The home offered huge windows with panoramic views of the mountains and a kitchen equipped to handle dinner parties of 100 guests.
“I had it all … I hated it all …,” Perlman wrote. Then when Fred was away on a business trip, Perlman realized she had never felt protected and loved in the marriage. “No longer could I accept my role as docile follower …”
Perlman went back to school and earned her Ph.D. in history, decided to divorce Fred and make a new life for herself. Once the divorce was final she and her three children left for California. Never before did she have the responsibility of planning and undertaking such a huge trip. That success built her self-esteem even more.
Upon returning to Colorado, Perlman applied for a teaching position at one of the local schools. At the same time Perlman became active in many of the causes of the day. The war in Vietnam was at the top of the 1960s’ list.
“I marched with more than 1,000 people, carried a signboard and chanted, ‘End this war now!’ and ‘Bring the troops home!'”
She fought for Civil Rights in the 1970s and protested Contra warfare in Nicaragua in the 1980s. In recent years she worked to end the America/Cuban embargo and find solutions to the illegal immigration problem.
Then she met a man named Gene who introduced her to Pine Island.
“In 2000 I surprised myself and exchanged my comfort zone for six months on Pine Island, Florida, with Gene.”
Perlman learned the differences in Florida gardening, playing bingo at the St. James City Civic Association and kayaking with Gene.
Quietly discovering the mangrove trails and retreating into a tranquil world of Pine Island waters brought new experiences. Paddling inches above “curious manatees and smiling dolphins,” Perlman found Pine Island “enjoyable and rewarding.”
The book begins with Perlman’s time in England as a Fulbright recipient. The Fulbright program is a program of highly competitive, merit-based grants for the international exchange of students, scholars and teachers. Winning the scholarship brought more life challenges.
Perlman wrote that when she heard the news she was ecstatic.
“It’s really happening to me!” she wrote. But upon hearing the good news Perlman’s father held one final assault. “What are you running away from? Are you so unhappy?”
“I felt as though a boxer’s fist had punched my stomach,” Perlman wrote.
“Taste Life Twice” is a book about the life-journey of Perlman and her evolution from a restrained, submissive young Brooklyn girl to an independent world-wise woman. Self-empowered, courageous and with perseverance the author overcame obstacles that still haunt her today. This book is a great read!
Perlman’s books are available at Amazon.com and locally from Fudge Factory, Island Time, Spa 33, Randell Research Center, and in Punta Gorda at Copperfish Books.